The Pirates Bessinger

     This year, I made the kids pirate costumes for Halloween and they turned out great. I am so proud of myself. Last night we had our ward Trunk-or-Treat so the kids got to strut their super cool looks. We all had a good time, especially Jane.

It's Hard to Say Goodbye

     One year ago to the day, I did the hardest thing I had ever had to do. I remember standing in the Fresno airport with my arms around my dad, trying to hold back my tears as I said goodbye. My father and two sisters waved farewell to me as I took my one-year old daughter and walked down the terminal, right out of the life I knew, into a whole new one. A new life that held things for me I never would have imagined. That was the day I traveled halfway across the country to reunite Jane and I with my husband. 
     It was a bittersweet moment, getting on that airplane. I knew I was going to miss my friends and family, they were my support and I had never been without them before. But at the same time, I was so excited for us to start a new life as our own independent family. I had missed Taylor so much,after three and a half months of being separated, the thought of being with him helped to numb the loneliness that was already beginning to take root.
     That one day went on for two, or so it felt, and my head was lost in an emotional cloud the entire time. I remember telling myself over and over again that I had to keep it together because there was no one there to help me. It was just Jane and I. Our flight out was late. I felt like I could have had just that much more time with my family if I would have known. When we got to LAX, Jane was tired, but she was doing considerably well. I got lost in that huge, overcrowded maze. Already behind schedule, the worrier in me was about to have a melt down. Finally on the right track, I was riding a bus to the correct terminal, when a fellow passenger told me Jane had fallen asleep on my shoulder. I hadn't brought a stroller. My thoughts had been that if Jane got to walk between the long legs of the journey, she would do better staying in her seat. Now my thoughts were how in the world am I supposed to carry our bags and a sleeping child through this monstrous place, to our next destination. Not to mention, I was six months pregnant at the time. I had already been fighting tears. When I realized I had to go through security all over again, a few actually escaped. I prayed someone would offer to help, as my arms and shoulders seared in pain from the weight and I worried about the stress I was putting on my unborn child. But no one helped. Waiting in that huge line to get through security, none of the lonely business travelers offered me a cut in line. Not even the security guard, when it was finally our turn, thought that I might need some assistance holding a sleeping infant and taking off my shoes while pregnant. To make it worse, I could feel the eyes on the back of my head as people's thoughts were saying, "Could she just hurry up already!" Jane and I both hadn't hardly eaten and there wasn't very much time, we were already running late and cutting it close, but I had to feed my child. We found some food and I rushed to eat it before we were some of the last to board the plane. Jane still asleep and her food shoved in my bag, I found my seat. I thought I was finally going to feel some sense of relief when the man next to Jane's seat leaned over to me and said, "I just had my seat changed so I didn't have to sit next to a kid. Are you sure these seats are yours? Did you pay for her( pointing at Jane) to have this seat?" Fuming and ready to explode, I managed to politely tell the gentleman yes and that I was sorry. Jane and I spent the next two hours treading very lightly as to not upset the man who obviously had no sense of propriety and no sense of anybody but himself. After a stop in Dallas, we had finally arrived. I couldn't have been more grateful.
     A shuttle picked us up and took us to our hotel, where finally someone was willing to help me. In the morning, our adventure picked up right where it had left off. I had to go back to the airport to rent a car. Then we drove to Biloxi, Mississippi, our new home. As we drove I began to realize that it was a different planet down there. It was not only that I got a drink of water every time I took a breath, or that it was 100 degrees in October. It was an entirely different way of life, a different culture. I felt like I had taken a time machine and gone back twenty years. That morning we got our new house, and it was wonderful and big and new. The only problem was that we didn't have anything except what had gone on the plane with us. Luckily, I was able to find a Walmart and get the necessities. 

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     That night, we were able to see Taylor, and my horrible two days suddenly became worth it. The first week was rough, to say the least. Taylor wasn't allowed to live with us yet. I was in a strange place, with nobody I knew, with practically no belongings, trying to not just get myself to the end of the day, but also my high energy one-year old. The evenings were when we could spend time with Taylor and they were what we looked forward to.
      Life continued to go on, but the hardships never ceased. Wyatt gave us a couple of scares before he came. When he did come, it was a month early and he brought  with him a whole new set of trials. Giving birth was, of course, a happy time, but it was not ideal.  It was the middle of the night and we didn't know anyone really well, so Jane came to the hospital with us. The poor little thing would cry, seeing me in so much pain. Between the excruciating contractions I would tell Taylor to take her out, she didn't need to see her mommy like that. My nurses were what got me through. It was wonderful to hold my precious baby, but again, it was bitter sweet. I had wanted to be surrounded by my family, to show them all my new baby. It makes me sad to think that my children have a long distance relationship with my family. 
     Since then, things have only gotten harder. I will not go into anymore detail than I already have. We have endured hospitalizations, health problems, moving, and well warranted emotional lows. I look at myself a year ago, and I look at myself today. I am stronger, wiser, more humble and more grateful. I never thought I would have ever had to endure the trials I have this past year, but I have finally come to a place where I can say that I am grateful for them, all of them. Life has not gotten any easier, but I am starting to realize that it is all a part of a bigger plan. I have learned that all I can do is have the faith to carry on, come what may. 
     One year ago today, I did the hardest thing I had ever had to do. I grew up.

What We've Been Up To

     I know I have been really bad at keeping up the blog lately so it is time for an update. As you will soon read, life has been crazy,leaving updating the blog the last thing on my mind. Since May, we have moved from Mississippi to Colorado, gone back home to California twice, had Jane turn two, had Wyatt start physical therapy in the home,  and had Wyatt hospitalized SIX times, the last of which was for surgery. Plus we have had fun little day trips to Garden of the Gods, the Zoo, and as of yesterday, a pretty cool pumpkin patch. We also take day trips to Denver about every two weeks for Wyatt's appointments. I think they are fun because I get to stop by Cafe Rio, but I know not everybody in the car would agree with me that it is fun.

 Jane's little birthday party back home in California.

 Trying on the goods.

 Jane and her cousin Lily. Lily loved helping Jane with her gifts.

 More awesome gifts.

 Miss Lily

We enjoyed birthday cupcakes this year.

Cousin Lincoln. Jane really loves her cousins.

Garden of the Gods

After our last trip to California, I hitched a ride with my parents back to Colorado. We went and saw Garden of the Gods together. Unfortunately, Taylor had to work.

When they sit in their stroller, Wyatt insists on having some kind of contact with Jane. It is so cute.

The Cheyenne Mountain Zoo

     We have this awesome zoo here. It really is built up the side of a mountain. When you stand and look out you can the entire city. It really is beautiful. The zoo also had a lot of really neat animals. They let the peacocks and the wallabies just walk around unleashed. It was a really fun time and Jane is still talking about it. She loved it.

 I was so proud of Jane for feeding the giraffe's. She was very brave.

 Wyatt just hung out and was a good boy, as usual.

 Jane got to pet a wallaby. She loves animals.

 My goofballs.

 This tiger was so cool. He was swimming so close to us.

 Riding the big kitty.

Mr. Wyatt

     So, like I said earlier,Wyatt has been in and out of the hospital quite a bit. Four of the times that Wyatt has been in the hospital have been due to either vomiting or not wanting to eat. With his disorder, if he is sick or not taking into his body enough calories or energy to burn, we have to have him put on special IV fluid to try and avoid the brain damage that can occur. His body lacks the enzyme that allows him to flush out amino acids (in case you forgot, they make up protein) causing his blood to run acidic, his blood sugar to drop, and all sorts of bad things that can cause big problems. So, when he gets sick or doesn't eat, his body breaks down his muscle tissue in search of energy to burn, which releases the amino acids, which is why he has to be put in the hospital.      

     Wyatt, we have learned, just doesn't like to take his formula, which is special medical formula and the most important part of his diet. We have also learned that he has pretty severe reflux. Both of these things having been making our life miserable because they can't be tolerated with his disorder. It has hopefully all been made better though. After he was hospitalized last for vomiting and not eating, his doctors finally decided it was time to thicken his formula. Since then, no more spit-up or vomit. It has been great. They also were able to move along the process for a surgery that we had been waiting for, which was g-tube placement. A g-tube is a port that gives me direct access to his stomach so that even when he does not want to eat, I can get his food into him. It will also allow me to treat him at home with high glucose formula during illness instead of having to get him hooked up to IV. We are so grateful that we were able to find these solutions. Life can move forward again.

     Here are some pics from different hospital stays.

Getting ready to bust free.

The Pumpkin Patch

     We went to this super fun pumpkin patch. It had huge slides, a petting zoo, a hay pyramid, and a maze for little kids. It was a blast.

Random Pictures Along the Way