It's Hard to Say Goodbye

     One year ago to the day, I did the hardest thing I had ever had to do. I remember standing in the Fresno airport with my arms around my dad, trying to hold back my tears as I said goodbye. My father and two sisters waved farewell to me as I took my one-year old daughter and walked down the terminal, right out of the life I knew, into a whole new one. A new life that held things for me I never would have imagined. That was the day I traveled halfway across the country to reunite Jane and I with my husband. 
     It was a bittersweet moment, getting on that airplane. I knew I was going to miss my friends and family, they were my support and I had never been without them before. But at the same time, I was so excited for us to start a new life as our own independent family. I had missed Taylor so much,after three and a half months of being separated, the thought of being with him helped to numb the loneliness that was already beginning to take root.
     That one day went on for two, or so it felt, and my head was lost in an emotional cloud the entire time. I remember telling myself over and over again that I had to keep it together because there was no one there to help me. It was just Jane and I. Our flight out was late. I felt like I could have had just that much more time with my family if I would have known. When we got to LAX, Jane was tired, but she was doing considerably well. I got lost in that huge, overcrowded maze. Already behind schedule, the worrier in me was about to have a melt down. Finally on the right track, I was riding a bus to the correct terminal, when a fellow passenger told me Jane had fallen asleep on my shoulder. I hadn't brought a stroller. My thoughts had been that if Jane got to walk between the long legs of the journey, she would do better staying in her seat. Now my thoughts were how in the world am I supposed to carry our bags and a sleeping child through this monstrous place, to our next destination. Not to mention, I was six months pregnant at the time. I had already been fighting tears. When I realized I had to go through security all over again, a few actually escaped. I prayed someone would offer to help, as my arms and shoulders seared in pain from the weight and I worried about the stress I was putting on my unborn child. But no one helped. Waiting in that huge line to get through security, none of the lonely business travelers offered me a cut in line. Not even the security guard, when it was finally our turn, thought that I might need some assistance holding a sleeping infant and taking off my shoes while pregnant. To make it worse, I could feel the eyes on the back of my head as people's thoughts were saying, "Could she just hurry up already!" Jane and I both hadn't hardly eaten and there wasn't very much time, we were already running late and cutting it close, but I had to feed my child. We found some food and I rushed to eat it before we were some of the last to board the plane. Jane still asleep and her food shoved in my bag, I found my seat. I thought I was finally going to feel some sense of relief when the man next to Jane's seat leaned over to me and said, "I just had my seat changed so I didn't have to sit next to a kid. Are you sure these seats are yours? Did you pay for her( pointing at Jane) to have this seat?" Fuming and ready to explode, I managed to politely tell the gentleman yes and that I was sorry. Jane and I spent the next two hours treading very lightly as to not upset the man who obviously had no sense of propriety and no sense of anybody but himself. After a stop in Dallas, we had finally arrived. I couldn't have been more grateful.
     A shuttle picked us up and took us to our hotel, where finally someone was willing to help me. In the morning, our adventure picked up right where it had left off. I had to go back to the airport to rent a car. Then we drove to Biloxi, Mississippi, our new home. As we drove I began to realize that it was a different planet down there. It was not only that I got a drink of water every time I took a breath, or that it was 100 degrees in October. It was an entirely different way of life, a different culture. I felt like I had taken a time machine and gone back twenty years. That morning we got our new house, and it was wonderful and big and new. The only problem was that we didn't have anything except what had gone on the plane with us. Luckily, I was able to find a Walmart and get the necessities. 

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